I asked a dear friend to write her story, or rather their story. Currently, this story is still being written as they are still in the midst of this wilderness time. I love the transparency she offers and the insight while in this place. I pray that you are blessed!
A familiar verse comes to me when I find myself in the wilderness, that is, a time of trouble in my life.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:3-4
The first time my husband lost his job, I read this verse with my son and daughter. My son, then 8, immediately began thanking God that his daddy had lost his job. Children are so literal, but he had a point. With his childlike trust, he was doing exactly what the Bible told him to do, and trusting that God would do His work. Looking back at that wilderness time, it is easy to see that it was only by God’s hand that we came through it. Not only did my husband go without a job for an extended time, his father died overseas, and I began losing massive amounts of hair and had to see doctors and have tests run, all with minimal insurance. Yet God saw us through it, and, looking back on it, I can see the hand of God in so many ways. He is good, all the time.
Why, then, is it sometimes difficult for me to see Him at work while I am in the wilderness? Is it because I get so tangled in the challenges that I can’t see Him? Is it because I’m too busy looking at the mountain to see the ways that He is moving it? Is it because I’m so busy trying to get out of the wilderness that I can’t see God working. Yes, yes and yes! God never abandons me in the wilderness (Deut 31:6,8)...sometimes, I just stop looking for Him.
Looking at that verse from James again...in The Message version...opens my eyes a bit.
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:3-4
Two things strike me in this version. First, the use of the word “gift” in place of “joy” grabs my attention. I must look at my wilderness as a gift, and the Bible tells me that God gives good gifts.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no shadow of turning. James 1:17
Perhaps if I can look at my wilderness as a gift, something to be unwrapped and examined, rather than seeing it only as something to get out of as soon as possible, then I might see God’s hand when I am in the trial...but that is easier said than done.
I am in a wilderness place as I write these words. My husband is on the verge of being without a job again. We have had multiple financial challenges throughout this year, “fixing” things around the house. In addition, our financial “cushion” has been greatly reduced since we went through a similar trial a few years back. While I can’t say that it is easy, I can say that sometimes I can see my wilderness as a gift. When I do, my eyes are opened to see all the gifts my God is giving me.
For instance, we have had more free food in the last month than we have had in the past year...and the people who made us meals or gave us free food had no idea of the financial strain we were under. A friend of mine cleaned out her closet and sent over bags of clothes she thought might fit me...again not even knowing we were stretching every penny. Another friend gave me a soft robe and new slippers, not even knowing that I was needing both of those things. Another friend, who is on a tight budget, took me out to a movie at one of those dinner and a movie theaters, and somehow, our entire meal was paid for. What? These things don’t just happen. Not only that, but my husband still has his job, days after it was supposed to end. This is the hand of God reaching down and providing for me, giving me gifts in my wilderness, reminding me that no matter how bad the trial, He is there, and in control. Could he remove the trial right now? Yes. That much is obvious by the gifts He is giving me. Why not then? That leads me to the second thing from the James verse that strikes me.
So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
When I first entered this particular wilderness, I jumped up quickly and decided that I knew how to fix this. I would apply for this job, or that job, and we would be fine. I can do this. I can fix this and we will be okay. The only problem with this strategy was that when I prayed, the message I received clearly from God was, “Be still”. What??? That’s just crazy. I have in my hands the abilities that God has gifted me with to get us out of this trial even before it started. Yet, He wanted me to be still?? Why?
Why indeed! I was trying to get out of my trial “prematurely”. I was not prepared to “let it do its work”. As it turns out, “being still” is not one of my strong points. Waiting on God to move, is by far the hardest thing He could ever ask me to do. I am a mover, a doer, a fixer of problems. That is how He has wired me. When I see a need, I move...often without even thinking or even praying. That is my strength, and my weakness. Yet in this particular trial, He is taking my strength away from me. God is asking me to live in my weakness, and allow Him to be strong for me. Can I tell you that this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done?
At the same time, if I had gone my own way, and “fixed” this, I would have missed out on all the gifts He is giving me. There are so many...not just the gifts of His provision...spiritual gifts, too.
I am learning to trust Him in areas of my life that I have been reluctant to release to Him. I have been humbled by the generosity of friends and strangers, and the prayers that are being prayed for me. I am learning to allow Him to steer my boat, no matter where He plans to take me. I am seeing spiritual growth in every member of my family as we all turn to Him to help us. I am learning to be thankful every day for my “daily bread”, and to rely on Him for daily for that provision.
These are the gifts that my God is giving me during this wilderness. There are more to come, I am sure, as this trial “does its work so I become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way”. God’s timing is perfect, as my now 11-year old son has reminded me. I will wait for Him. Thank you God for this wilderness experience, and I willconsider it a gift, and I will count it all joy.
